1. What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together? In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."2.Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.
3. When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
4.What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
5. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.
6. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure
7. One behaviorist to another after lovemaking:
"Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"
8. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten!
9. In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"
The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
The second responds, "God told me I was."
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "No I Didn't!"
10. A man goes to see his psychiatrist. He says, "Doctor, I've been having suicidal tendencies. What should I do?"
The psychiatrist replies, "Pay your bill today."
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